My Van.
Here she is.
As they say, it’s all a matter of perspective.
Before this van, I was living in a Honda Fit from July 2020-March 2022.
There is a story behind this, but for now I will simply share this video of the design and the setup inside.
If you are interested in reading about the journey leading into this van, it is interwoven between:
It is functional for sleeping and existing (and for this I am grateful), but I am limited in my ability to create.
As can be seen in the video, a lot of my space is used to store all of the canvases which I stretched, and so all of them are 50% off in the shop for anyone wanting to be supportive.
The back storage is primarily canvases with also my camping equipment and my cold-weather clothes.
Underneath the video I share the progress photos (that I have at the moment) as well as the symbolism this represents.
Following “Lake Michigan Series” (2023), I had printed many vinyl spirals at a library north of Chicago.
I do not have any photos of my van currently from the time before then.
These photos were in LA as I was preparing to begin the next phase.
I completed this phase in LA,
then decided to do a little photo shoot at the Grand Canyon as I was making my way back to Southern Illinois.
Here are the simple, technical photos I took in LA after putting these vinyls on.
In 2023, I was using a ground saw to help a friend with his driveway; it caught a piece of gravel and threw it through my back window.
Since then, I had a simple self-repair patch job that worked until it didn’t.
In late February/early March of 2025 I was in Austin, TX and decided to resolve this issue- which led into this mural.
In late June/early July of 2025 I layered paint with the work that was already done.
Additionally, I made a hood ornament of a bugman in a business suit which I had found in Austin, TX during SXSW
(wasn’t participating in it, just was there during it)
In early August of 2025 I updated the storage container.
I don’t have plans for anything else to be done, but am likely going to be removing the oxidized foam on top in the near future. I am tired of “Baby Boomers” approaching me to ask about the foam, to then tell me some bullshit story that I didn’t ask for.
Here’s the Story!
Why did I do this to my van?
In February 2022 when I was looking for used vans on craigslist, there were none available in my general area which were within my price range- and weren’t needing a lot of work done.
I found this van which was originally being used as a transport vehicle for a handicapped man with down syndrome- which is why the van had two blue dolphins + heart on both sides. Naturally, this was conflicting with my own internal process regarding my appearance + social esteem + manhood.
How could I ever be taken seriously living in this van?
What will people think when they wake up to see my van on their street?
Will I be immediately labeled as that “creepy pedo guy who lives in a van?”
Will I ever be able to climb out of this hole?
Why do I feel this within myself? What is really behind it?
There is much within the symbolism of dolphins (what I have learned within native traditions) + the hearts + the down syndrome backstory which made me believe this was my lesson. I chose to step into this new phase of life- ripping open the fears regarding quick-minded bigotry against what is easily-perceived as foreign and distasteful.
Through the time between March 2022 and the current, I have been slowly witnessing the transformation within myself regarding this sense of nakedness and “shame exposure.”
Not in a perverted way, but in the sense of becoming seen and interfacing with the attention which came as consequence of making a decision very much out of (my) character.
In many ways, this van has been performing as a catalyst within myself:
Transforming my own sense of “discomfort” in the World (which was always existent, leading to the desire to remain unseen while simultaneously generating momentum with my message).
No longer able to hide behind “camouflage” in the effort to “blend in” while still being an “outsider,” conflicted with the challenge of how to generate a dialogue which is nuanced and distinct.
Instead, forced me to cultivate a new dimension of courage which was uniquely my own and tied to my expression, learning how to have a relationship with my own deep-rooted fears and insecurities.
[I will return to this at a future point]